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Friday, December 28, 2012

Should those in glass houses eat pie?

If you're like me - average - then you've likely indulged in many a holiday treat these past few months.  And let me tell ya, I had some yummy stuff.  Here's an embarrassing, non-exhaustive list for the past 3 months:
  • Brownies with marshmallow centers (YUM)
  • Chow mein haystacks (totally addictive)
  • Magic bars (had too much and made me sick)
  • Mint chocolate chip cookies (making these next year)
  • Reindeer noses (easy cookie exchange recipe)
  • Egg nog (mmmmm.....)
  • An entire big bag of M&M's (that one hurt)
  • Mexican hot chocolate (perfection - if only it were calorie-free)
  • Homemade apple pie (mouth-watering)
  • Homemade pecan pie (that one hurt, too...after the third piece)
  • Pumpkin pecan bars (Krusteaz - don't tell my fam)
  • 80% of the chocolate candy from the boys' Halloween buckets (I wish they liked chocolate more)
  • Do I even need to keep going...'cause I could...
It was a slippery slope for me.  At first I thought I'd have the resolve that I had from last year.  I was seriously on fire last year: training for the 13.1, tracking calories daily, maintaining self-control.  I had it.
This year, however, was different.

It started with getting sick in September, getting a false positive test result that made me think I had an auto-immune illness, giving up my marathon goal, quitting running altogether, and then the timing of...{dun-dun-dun}...Halloween and its disgustingly delicious candy.

Now, however, I pretty much have one, maybe two, pair of jeans that I can wear.  And I refuse to go shopping for more, either; that's a give-up (and it's not in the budget).

The good news, however, is that I went to the gym yesterday and today, and I'm on my way back to fitness.  It really helps me to read my old blog posts because I do want to have that mindset toward wellness again.  I can get there; I just have to really focus and quit the stinkin' thinkin'.  [An AA slogan says, "Stinkin' thinkin' leads to drinkin'."  For me it leads to bingeing.]

However, I've kind of found myself in a bit of a glass house.  I had my My Fitness Pal account public for anyone to see and had a lot of friends on there, and while at first that was very motivating for me, I found myself getting too stressed out about what other people would think about my failures.  Sometimes the stress of it all would lead me to not log my calories at all.

It became too much of a mental battle for me, so I just decided to go solo again.  [If you were a MFP friend and noticed that I'm gone, please don't be offended!!]

We'll see if this works or not.  I feel like my blog is transparency enough, so I can maintain a little privacy elsewhere.

I do have about 4 pounds to get to my comfortable weight and another 5 to get to the unattainable goal I've had for forever.

[Disclaimer: I just realized that maybe if you're in OA and you're reading this you could be thinking, "Don't stay isolated!"  But for me, I don't know, I could be wrong, but I'm just your average holiday indulger - not an addict, so to speak.]

Friday, December 21, 2012

3,653 Days of Marriage

Happy Anniversary to my amazing hubby!  

The dried roses that my guests threw were from all of the roses
 that Michael had given me while we were dating. 
Today is our 10 year wedding anniversary.  We got married one week after my college graduation and four days before Christmas. What were we thinking!  In hindsight we should have waited until January, but it was still a very beautiful, Christmas wedding.

In celebration of our 10 years, I want to tell you 10 things I love about my hubs:

1.  He does not care what people think about him.  Sometimes this is a feature, and sometimes it's a bug, but overall it's a feature.  Fear of man can be crippling, but lives free of this!

2.  He lives intentionally.  He makes goals.  He plans for the future.  He reassesses the past. And he lives in the present with purpose.

Married about 6 months at the Garden of the Gods in CO
3.  He's a lifelong learner.  He's constantly thirsty for more information.  If he is curious about a topic, then he researches it.  If he wants to excel at something, then he studies and practices and masters it.

4.  He's just naturally smart.  I'm quite jealous that he has a memory like a steel trap.  Anything he hears or reads, he remembers.  He was born with a natural intellect, and of course he's nurtured it, too.

Reading a story to the boys on the Kindle
5.  He's a really good dad.  He loves his kids so much and parents them with the same intentionality in which he lives his life.  The kids love him to the moon and back, and that speaks to what a great job he's done with them.

6.  He's compassionate.  He has Jesus' heart for people that need some mercy.  He knows that he's been blessed in so many ways, so he wants to give back in proportion to what he's been given.

7.  He's in control of his emotions.  I can be a hothead at times (although I DO work on it), but even when he gets very upset about something, he is able to control himself and talk things out.  I'm really amazed by this and super blessed by it.

8.  He makes me a better person.  He truly wants to see me achieve my goals and dreams and works with me to make those a reality.  It's such a selfless and loving pursuit for him and makes me love him even more.

9.  He's very honest.  I always trust that his answer is really what he's thinking.  He doesn't beat around the bush, and we don't have to play games.

10.  He's committed for the long haul.  I have such security in his love for me and commitment to our family that worrying about it has never even crossed my mind.

I love you, Michael, and I'm so very grateful for every minute of the last 3,653 days.  It's been the best ten years of my whole life.


Happy Anniversary, Babe.  

We haven't aged a bit, have we?  Psh, lol.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Hitting Reset

"pixie haircut faux hawk", "girl faux hawk", "new years resolutions", "hitting the reset button on life",
With the new year right around the corner, it seems like a good time to hit the refresh button on some areas of my life.  I guess I started with my hair.  ;) 

I've had every variation of a bob haircut for several years now, and it was just time to try the pixie on for size again. I gotta say, it feels pretty good.  I'll probably start growing it out again after this, but it's definitely fun for now.  Me and Samuel pretty much have exactly the same hair right now.  :-P   Good thing I'm secure in my femininity.  Hehe.

Another reset button I need to push is on my health! I know I'm not original on this one or anything, but man oh man, I sure was a glutton this last couple of months.  It's no surprise that my body feels like crizzapp when I eat that way.  I'm ready to fuel my body with good things again.

Mike Hewitt
I am also going to start jogging again.  My rheumatologist said that my issues were just caused by some crazy, unknown virus, so he wants me to add cardio back into my regimen slowly but surely.  I'm SOOOOOO ready to do that, too.  I'm a little bit hesitant that I'm going to get tired again, but I miss it so much that it's worth the risk.  

Today, Levi was messing around on the Apple TV, and he played the video from when I finished the half marathon at White Rock, and that was all it took.  I want another race so bad I can taste it!  I've decided that the first half of the year I'll work on my speed with shorter races, and then the last half of the year I'll work on distance.  I'm not setting any goals yet until I can see what my body can realistically do.  

So what about you?  Do you have something good for you that you miss so much that it's worth the work and risk?

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Unthinkable

First of all, let me just say that my prayers are with all of the families of those precious lives lost in Newtown yesterday.  I was simply without words when I heard the news.  Shocked.  Dumbfounded.  Astonished.  My soul was wrenched.

I'm still very shocked and simply can't believe it.  There's no sense to make of it because it's completely absurd and nonsensical.  Evil and utterly revolting.

I'm certain that yesterday will be one of those days that we remember for the rest of our lives.  I still remember where I was when the Columbine tragedy happened, and I know that this day will no doubt be etched in my memory as well, maybe more so since I have kids that age.

My first grader was actually home from school with the flu, and I was never so happy for him to have the flu because I just wanted all my babies with me.  Since I was home, Facebook was a good community for me to debrief and digest the horror together.  My sweet friend Erica reminded me of this quote from a recent post:
Then the thought occurred to me that perhaps God put an innate fear of death in us humans so that we would try to live as long as we could because if we really knew how much we were going to love Heaven we wouldn't try that hard to survive.   November 7, 2012
Please don't read that as insensitive in light of the tragedy.  I surely didn't write it with this horrific event in mind.  But it does make me think of how my kind, loving, bigger than life, Heavenly Father is holding those kids in His everlasting arms right now, comforting them and loving them and hiding them in the shadow of His wings.

And then I was also reminded of this post last year when tragedy struck my family:
At the retreat I was on, the retreat director (an amazing 77 year old woman of God and former therapist) said that when people would ask her why God allowed bad things to happen her response was always that the best gift that God could give us was free will.  And sometimes people use that free will to make bad choices.  Sometimes those bad choices affect other people.
...
And the thing I always hold onto when bad things happen to good people and you want to ask, "Why did God allow that to happen," is that God never promised us that bad things wouldn't happen; in fact He promised us quite the opposite.  He said we'd definitely have trouble in this world, but we can take heart in Him.  He can be our comfort, our shelter, our peace, our kind, loving Father.  And then there's Heaven....ah, Heaven, the ultimate place of peace for the weary soul.  November 8, 2011
My prayer for all of the families and friends of the victims is that they would feel the loving and comforting arms of our Heavenly Father right now.

God, help this nation.  Mamas, hug your babies.  Love and peace to all of you.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

'Tis the Season...for overeating and having the flu

still smiling - thank you Tamiflu
It's Thursday night, and I'm just sitting around the house wondering, first of all, why oh why did I open that almond and chocolate covered toffee that was supposed to be a teacher's gift?  And secondly, can the good people at Emergen-C make their product taste any more like vomit than it already does?  

Well, my big-boy, first-grader has the flu.  Yes, he got the mist, but it was evidently too early in the year (October), so it may not have been accurate at that point.  Now my baby-boy-almost-two-year-old has a fever and he just used a spoon that Samuel used.  :: sleepy-sigh ::  Such is life - gotta love it.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Why I'm glad to be older

I told you about how we went to San Antonio for Thanksgiving, and we ate at my cousin and his wife's house. Well, pretty much every time I see them Michael prods them to recount a story that I would love to forget. I think they just like to see me squirm.

So here's the story. My cousin and his wife used to live in Arlington and were generous enough to let me live with them one semester in college. After I moved out they lived there for another couple of years before they moved back to San Antonio. During that time, they asked me to housesit or babysit from time to time, which I was glad to do.

They once asked me to dog-sit their dog "Whitie" for them while they went to San Antonio for the weekend. I gladly obliged. All I had to do was go over there daily to let him out and keep him fed and watered.

my awful college ID
Well, late 1990's Annie wasn't the same person as 2012 Annie. Late 1990's Annie had a paper day planner, but she didn't always remember to look at it.

I was off at some church college group function at someone's house and all of the sudden I remembered that I was supposed to be dog-sitting. It was SUNDAY night. I nervously sped over to their house in a mad rush, hitting the steering wheel several times and reciting, "Crap, crap, crap," over and over, hoping to get there before they did.

I speedily parked by their curb...as they were unloading the car. My cousin's wife greeted me and apologies and excuses spewed out of my mouth. I was so embarrassed and sorry. I felt so bad for little Whitie. He used to get bladder infections because he would hold it for so long because he would refuse to pee inside the house (dream dog), and the poor little guy held it for as long as he could. Needless to say, he was also quite thirsty and hungry.

I tried apologizing to my cousin as he was stomping by to finish unloading and quietly raging at me. Without even looking, he snapped at me, "Apologize to Whitie." My heart sank. He was so mad at me. And rightfully so.

I saw Whitie, and I think I tried to give him a little cuddle and apologized profusely. I offered to my cousins to help clean up, but they just wanted me out of there. I walked back to my car with my head hung in shame.

It took a while for them to get over that - and I patiently carried out my sentence. I would have been so mad at myself, too. Whitie, on the other hand, always hated me after that. He would growl and snap at me and remind me of what a reprobate I was.

As we were recounting the story, yet again, this past Thanksgiving, while being extremely happy that we can all laugh about it now (although my cousin doesn't always chuckle very heartily), I'm reminded that it's great to grow older.

Youth is fun, but gosh I sure was stupid. I really didn't think I was, either. I was just a silly little girl learning how to navigate life. Now, I'm 33 years old, and even though I'm older and have learned a little more about navigating life, I still feel like a silly little girl that has a LOT to learn about life.

I don't quite think I know it all anymore, and that's the great thing about getting older. The older you get, the more humbled by life you get (hopefully).

Monday, December 3, 2012

Cookie decorating as it relates to boundaries with children...

My sister and her family came into town two weekends ago, and we had an AWESOME time.  I loved it!

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to decorate Christmas cookies, and in my quest for anti-perfectionism, I let the kids have at it with the decorating.  I didn't micromanage it; I didn't have templates; anything went.

The results were pretty cute.  Of course, Isaac had some technical issues.

But the rest of the kids came up with some pretty cute designs.



Well, Mr. Levi let the creative juices flow.

'Wow,' I thought, 'That's a lot of icing.'

But he wasn't done.

"Are you gonna let him eat that," someone asked.  
Well, let me tell ya, the answer should have been NOOOOOOO!!!!

About an hour later there was vomit all over that same table.  Sometimes kids need to be told no.  :)

Happy cookie decorating.  :)


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