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Friday, December 28, 2012

Should those in glass houses eat pie?

If you're like me - average - then you've likely indulged in many a holiday treat these past few months.  And let me tell ya, I had some yummy stuff.  Here's an embarrassing, non-exhaustive list for the past 3 months:
  • Brownies with marshmallow centers (YUM)
  • Chow mein haystacks (totally addictive)
  • Magic bars (had too much and made me sick)
  • Mint chocolate chip cookies (making these next year)
  • Reindeer noses (easy cookie exchange recipe)
  • Egg nog (mmmmm.....)
  • An entire big bag of M&M's (that one hurt)
  • Mexican hot chocolate (perfection - if only it were calorie-free)
  • Homemade apple pie (mouth-watering)
  • Homemade pecan pie (that one hurt, too...after the third piece)
  • Pumpkin pecan bars (Krusteaz - don't tell my fam)
  • 80% of the chocolate candy from the boys' Halloween buckets (I wish they liked chocolate more)
  • Do I even need to keep going...'cause I could...
It was a slippery slope for me.  At first I thought I'd have the resolve that I had from last year.  I was seriously on fire last year: training for the 13.1, tracking calories daily, maintaining self-control.  I had it.
This year, however, was different.

It started with getting sick in September, getting a false positive test result that made me think I had an auto-immune illness, giving up my marathon goal, quitting running altogether, and then the timing of...{dun-dun-dun}...Halloween and its disgustingly delicious candy.

Now, however, I pretty much have one, maybe two, pair of jeans that I can wear.  And I refuse to go shopping for more, either; that's a give-up (and it's not in the budget).

The good news, however, is that I went to the gym yesterday and today, and I'm on my way back to fitness.  It really helps me to read my old blog posts because I do want to have that mindset toward wellness again.  I can get there; I just have to really focus and quit the stinkin' thinkin'.  [An AA slogan says, "Stinkin' thinkin' leads to drinkin'."  For me it leads to bingeing.]

However, I've kind of found myself in a bit of a glass house.  I had my My Fitness Pal account public for anyone to see and had a lot of friends on there, and while at first that was very motivating for me, I found myself getting too stressed out about what other people would think about my failures.  Sometimes the stress of it all would lead me to not log my calories at all.

It became too much of a mental battle for me, so I just decided to go solo again.  [If you were a MFP friend and noticed that I'm gone, please don't be offended!!]

We'll see if this works or not.  I feel like my blog is transparency enough, so I can maintain a little privacy elsewhere.

I do have about 4 pounds to get to my comfortable weight and another 5 to get to the unattainable goal I've had for forever.

[Disclaimer: I just realized that maybe if you're in OA and you're reading this you could be thinking, "Don't stay isolated!"  But for me, I don't know, I could be wrong, but I'm just your average holiday indulger - not an addict, so to speak.]

4 comments :

  1. Hey Annie,

    I don't know if this will help you to lower your stress, but I'm in the military, and working out comes with my job, and I have not seen my ideal weight in years. :) I went from being on the lower end of the acceptable and normal weight scale for someone my height to going to the upper end of that weight scale. Working out do help you gain muscle weight!

    Esther

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yeah, I don't think I'll ever get down to the weight I want to be when I'm working out, but dieting does help me to at least get to the size I like.

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    2. Dieting is my weakest point. I have such a weakness for Coke and carbohydrates based food, but I seem to have done really well since I left Alaska. I can feel my pants starting to get loose already.

      Delete
  2. Annie, I too, am in the Army so thankfully I am required to work out to stay a certain weight. I also have push-up, sit up, and two-mile run standards...not for much longer though! But over the holidays, I ate a good amount of cookies from a cookie exchange, candy, coconut cream pie, and have had way too much soda. I think I will do no-soda for January and definitely try to be more fit, but then again I have to anyhow. Best wishes with all of your goals!

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