It obviously wasn't about my t-shirt. I was just so tired, literally and figuratively. Levi was freaking out about something, and the screaming was going through my head like a nail. The cleaning lady was coming (poor me, I know), and I had to get the house ready for her and be out of my bathroom by the time she got there. The kids were hungry for breakfast (oh yeah, that's why Levi was crying). And I just blew.
Then I took the kids to the museum, and lucky me, it was field trip day so the place was packed. Even though I didn't have the money in the budget, I decided to take the kids to the cafe there and get lunch, and the lady behind me in line kept bumping into me. I swear I nearly turned around and snapped her in two, but I resisted. Here's a hint lady: you stand too close to people! All in all, though, the boys were really good, so that made me happy.
The pressure from a bunch of little things has been adding up, and it's nothing new to motherhood, but it still kinda sucks when you're in the thick of it. I'm sleepy from Isaac keeping me up still. I'm frustrated that I don't know why he keeps waking up in the middle of the night, and I'm worried that I'm missing something. I'm sad that I have to cut back on caffeine so that I can see if that's what the culprit is. I'm tired of breastfeeding. I know I won't wean him until 12 months, but I really feel like it. And I want those damn teeth to break through already so that I can have my sweet baby back.
Like I said, nothing new to motherhood. And even when it's all typed out nothing seems like a very big deal. I do certainly feel like a whiner now, but whatever; you moms know how I feel. I keep telling myself that this summer is probably the toughest it will be in terms of raising small children. (I don't do the baby years well.) I also keep reminding myself that we have it extremely good. Everyone is healthy and well, and I have every reason for a heart full of thanksgiving and joy. I know so many people with lives much harder than mine, navigating through their journeys with such grace, so I'm going to try to find a bit of peace and gratitude of my own today.
I do need to get away from the kids for a bit today, though! I think I'll hit the gym and work off those curly fries and BBQ sandwich I splurged on at the museum today.