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Saturday, July 23, 2011

Motherhood and it kicking my rear

This morning, after nearly crying because I couldn't find my favorite, black, Rolling Stones t-shirt and going on a tirade looking for it, I wrote this status update on Facebook:

Depressed today. Motherhood is kinda kicking my rear.

It obviously wasn't about my t-shirt.  I was just so tired, literally and figuratively.  Levi was freaking out about something, and the screaming was going through my head like a nail.  The cleaning lady was coming (poor me, I know), and I had to get the house ready for her and be out of my bathroom by the time she got there.  The kids were hungry for breakfast (oh yeah, that's why Levi was crying).  And I just blew.

Then I took the kids to the museum, and lucky me, it was field trip day so the place was packed.  Even though I didn't have the money in the budget, I decided to take the kids to the cafe there and get lunch, and the lady behind me in line kept bumping into me.  I swear I nearly turned around and snapped her in two, but I resisted.  Here's a hint lady: you stand too close to people!  All in all, though, the boys were really good, so that made me happy.  

The pressure from a bunch of little things has been adding up, and it's nothing new to motherhood, but it still kinda sucks when you're in the thick of it.  I'm sleepy from Isaac keeping me up still.  I'm frustrated that I don't know why he keeps waking up in the middle of the night, and I'm worried that I'm missing something.  I'm sad that I have to cut back on caffeine so that I can see if that's what the culprit is.  I'm tired of breastfeeding.  I know I won't wean him until 12 months, but I really feel like it.  And I want those damn teeth to break through already so that I can have my sweet baby back.

Like I said, nothing new to motherhood.  And even when it's all typed out nothing seems like a very big deal.  I do certainly feel like a whiner now, but whatever; you moms know how I feel.  I keep telling myself that this summer is probably the toughest it will be in terms of raising small children.  (I don't do the baby years well.)  I also keep reminding myself that we have it extremely good.  Everyone is healthy and well, and I have every reason for a heart full of thanksgiving and joy.  I know so many people with lives much harder than mine, navigating through their journeys with such grace, so I'm going to try to find a bit of peace and gratitude of my own today.  

I do need to get away from the kids for a bit today, though!  I think I'll hit the gym and work off those curly fries and BBQ sandwich I splurged on at the museum today.  


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Written at 5 AM? Question is, had you just woke up or were you on your way to bed?

    (posted under Sharon's log in and erased it if you were wondering why Sharon deleted her comment above mine)

  3. What a day. I think you need to just take a bubble bath, put on your favorite music, light some candles, and enjoy a good book.

  4. I'm so happy you stopped by my blog today to tell me how sweet my post was... I was having a very emotional moment reflecting on how much she (my daughter) has changed my life...but the truth is, as you know so well, it's hard ...some days are easy...but mostly it's just hard. But one day I know we will look back and say, "I'd do it all over again" ...thanks for your honesty and tomorrow's a brand new day :) I hope you can get some rest tonight (I know that always makes a world of difference for me!)
    Oh...and I wanted to reply to your comment on my blog and you have yourself listed as a "non-reply blogger" didn't know if you wanted to change that, but I think you can under "account settings" on your dashboard :)

  5. To answer your question, John, I wrote it the day before but didn't want to post two posts in one day, so I scheduled it to post the following day. I probably was up, though. Ha!

    Sarah, indeed I did get some alone time! It was very nice.

    And Carmella, thanks! I changed my settings. I wasn't aware.

  6. Sigh. As I read this, it is 7:10pm... one child is off at VBS and the other hitting golf balls with daddy. It is quite possibly the first time in a VERY long time that I've had a chance to breathe and drink Diet Coke. Alone. Needless to say, I'm so feelin' ya.

  7. annie, he wakes up still because he is a BABY and they wake up all the time! rubes is 19 months and is still waking up every two hours (no joke). it sucks and i hate it. but like you said, it could be worse. AND THIS TOO SHALL PASS! think of the awesomeness you are giving him in the meantime. also, weaning doesn't equal more sleep, despite what we tell ourselves in the middle of the night! UGH I FEEL YOUR PAIN! but i know it's nice to hear reassurance every once in a while.


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