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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

"Neighborhood Nerd" Finale

I have agonized over this ridiculous situation for FAR too long.  Okay, so here's a short recap.  There are these two girls that live on the next block over that I have tried to be friends with for years now.  I wrote about it here and then here.  I just read those posts, and dude, I'll say it: pretty pathetic.

So when I had Isaac these girls brought me this amazing meal with sides and desserts and homemade dressing - the works.  It was wonderful - Michael's favorite of all of the meals brought over.  Then one of them gave me this gorgeous crocheted baby blanket that I love, so I started thinking, 'Okay, maybe I overreacted; maybe they really do want to be friends.'  (Gosh, the lameness is oozing out of every word.)  So I invited them over for a playdate or coffee twice this month only to be totally ignored (and I know they got the emails because they replied).

SO...I get the point!  You have plenty of friends and don't have room for one more - whatever (that's a defeated 'whatever', not an angry 'whatever').  Why does it bother me so much?  (Even just proofreading this post makes me realize how incredibly nerdy and insecure I am.)

Well, here are my reasons, however gay they might be (is that not pc to say anymore?):
1.  I care too much about what other people think of me because I fear they might be right.  I've tried working on this, but I talk a better game of it than I play.
2.  They are SAHMs that live within walking distance - something every SAHM covets.
3.  We have a ton in common and really hit it off when we chat.  (This one is the hardest one for me because it baffles me why they don't like me.  Why would someone that's like me not like me?  Oh, that's frustrating and makes me question myself more than I ought.)
4.  Why would they give me a fabulous gift but not want to be my friend?  Were they just paying me back for the meal that I gave one of them when she had a baby?  Probably.  Score settled.

I'm officially done trying to make something happen that's not meant to happen.  I defriended them today so that I don't have to be reminded of my insecurities every time they post something on Facebook.  (Now I just have to be reminded every time I drive by their houses.)

Okay, so tell me honestly - do other people have thoughts like this or am I just insanely insecure?

13 comments :

  1. If you're insanely insecure then so am I. There are several moms like that in my neighborhood too... one RIGHT. BEHIND. ME. and I just don't get it. If it's any consolation, I think you're pretty awesome. Even if we have to drive to hang out.

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  2. My assumptions might be:
    A. They don't have time for the friends they already have. I know if it weren't for birthday parties I wouldnt see some of you hardly ever. Especially, as our kids get older they occupy our time more productively and playdates fall by the wayside.
    B. The kids don't jive as well as the mommas.
    C. This past month was over loaded with actives and the thought on just on more freaking thing was too much.
    D. You have halitosis or body odor.

    No matter what the reason, I try to let it roll. You can't force these things.

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  3. I say take your sick boys and charge over there and confront them. Encourage the boys to "go play" while you try to talk so their children will get really sick with the virus your boys have had. But that's just me. Hope your boys are feeling better soon.

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  4. First of all, it's completely impossible that they don't like you. I mean, completely. So stop saying that. I kinda feel like taking up for them, I guess, just because I feel like such a horrible friend sometimes. There are so many people I'd like to hang out with and I can hardly make anything work socially except on Sunday (and I make myself go to my every other Tuesday Bible study). Some people (like me) just don't have the organizational gifts you do. It's very possible that they are drowning a little in their own lives. And I'm suspecting this is true since, yes, it IS completely impossible that they don't like you:)

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  5. Oh Annie - I too struggle :(

    All I can say is they are missing out - your are such a blessing and would only compliment their lives.

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  6. Oh, Annie, I think we ALL feel that way at times. I go through it with my family and sometimes feel like de-friending them, too, because it hurts to hear them having fun with each other. :( In my case, I think I'm perceived as "Miss Goody Two Shoes, the Christian" whom they feel guilty being around. I don't think I say things to make them feel that way; I hope it's just the 'fragrance' thing Joe talked about in a sermon once based on 2 Cor 2:14-16.

    Maybe we could start a club, the IIC ~ Insanely Insecure Club or maybe IIA ~ Insanely Insecure Anonymous?

    Anyway, I'm sad for you that it hasn't worked out. :( I guess all you can do now is pray that the Lord will bring it about in His time. Love ya!

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  7. I do the same thing. I was just telling Misti last week about how it seems like a bunch of the RLRM moms were just friends with me because we were in the mommy group together. I can count on one hand how many of them have tried to get together with me since the group broke up. And one of them is you! So thank you for that.

    If it makes you feel any better, I really like you. Even though you don't live within walking distance. ;-)

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  8. You guys are awesome. I swear I wasn't soliciting for compliments, but y'all made my day.

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  9. My comment is similar. We all feel that way. Think about the times when a friend or someone you didn't know as well reached out to you for a playdate. Did you say yes and meet up with them right away? Did you have to reschedule sometimes? Were you insanely busy and couldn't add one more thing to your plate that week? (like Kippy said.) Friendship is a two way street. You can only do so much and hope for reciprocation. If it doesn't happen, fall back on the wonderful, considerate, consistant friends in your life and feel blessed. :-)

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  10. **like Amanda said** not Kippy. :-)

    Also, I love Sharon's plan of attack. lol!

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  11. But that's just it - I do usually set up times to see people when I say it. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say, "We should get together," but don't really mean it. Yeah, sometimes I'm busy, but I make time for people that matter to me (if they show an interest, too) even if it's not until a month away that we get together. To use Christianese, time is my love language, so if someone doesn't make time for me, then I feel like they don't like me. Everyone is busy, but you gotta live life, ya know. You have to show people that they matter enough to carve out a little time in your schedule for coffee or a phone call or something.

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  12. As a twenty-year retired veteran of the SAHM profession I'd like to say you are not insane or abnormal. Everyone wants to be liked. You want your kids to be liked. There was a close knit little group like that in our church when my kids were young and they formed an impenetrable play group. I did not particularly like the moms involved so it was not a big deal but when I became the leader of the women's org. in the church one of them told me (because I needed to be aware and pray for them!) all of the drama of errant husbands, flirty wives and etc and I learned that things are not always as good as they seem.
    As your wonderfully perceptive friends on this post have noted, you are a good friend and a blessing to those of us who know you. Michael tells me he has found the "love of his life" and you help him to be very happy with life. That alone makes you aces in my book. And then those beautiful grandchildren...what can I say, you and Michael take beautiful care of them, I love being a worry-free grandma.
    Finally, my dear, I say bravo to you for letting go of them. It takes a self-aware person to do that. I vote with Courtney for Sharon's solution of taking the kids over there..you would never do that but it is a funny solution. You gotta love our Sharon and Courtney.
    Love you,
    Ann

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  13. I feel like this a lot. But you are so much sweeter than I am so I can't imagine that they don't like you, they just don't realize that you are worth every second of the time they would be investing in you. It's their loss really.

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