- I didn't want to be pregnant again.
- I didn't want to breastfeed again (especially that first two weeks of HELL).
- I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to be as involved in Samuel and Levi's lives.
- I didn't want to get fat again and have to lose the weight again with the possibility that I wouldn't be able to.
- I didn't want to have another C-section.
- I didn't want the inconvenience of a baby (i.e. not being able to go where I want when I want.)
- I just didn't want 3 kids because everything gets more complicated.
- I didn't want a girl because I didn't want to compete with her for Michael's affection (weird, I know, but I'm just being honest.)
- I thought it would be weird to breastfeed a girl.
- I didn't want Levi to be a middle child.
- I didn't want to have to restrict my diet and medication for pregnancy and breastfeeding again.
- I basically just didn't want to do the whole baby thing AGAIN. I'm not big on the baby phase.
So the other night Michael and I were talking as we were laying there in bed. He was saying that it would be really cool for me to have a girl for several reasons:
- I would have someone to do girly stuff with.
- I would have someone to shop with and dress.
- As my boys got older and moved on, my girl and I would have a different kind of connection.
I don't really remember what else he said, and those things don't seem that meaningful, but it really impacted me because I started seeing this potential third child as a person and not just an idea anymore. I saw this person as a teenager and young adult and was really sad when I tried imagining life without her. (I didn't think of the person as another son.) And I really wanted that relationship with a daughter.
So I was still opposed to the idea because I didn't want to do the first 3 years again. But the feelings that the conversation with Michael produced wouldn't go away. So I was talking to my dear friend Andrea about it, and she was saying that I needed to think about the whole picture not just those first few really hard years. I would have 50+ years with this daughter or son, and that would make those first few hard and inconvenient years totally worth it.
Well, that was pretty much my tipping point. I was about 75% decided before that conversation, and a few days after that conversation I was 100% decided that I want to try for a third baby. This morning's sermon was about trusting in God, and that sealed it for me. Then I started looking at baby names and got really excited. So I decided to tell Michael, and he was happy.
We talked about when we would start trying, and we realized that we would need to start trying between now and November or wait until June (to have him/her in a desired month). I'll have to wait and see what I feel like and call my doctor (because I'm taking a medication) to see if now is a good idea or not (well, next month).
And I know you must be thinking, 'Are they going to be way disappointed if they have a boy?' No, absolutely not...well, maybe a little disappointed that we didn't have a girl, but we know boys, so that would be just fine, too. Two other good things that would come of this would be:
- Samuel would be much more aware of this pregnancy and birth to be excited.
- Levi would not be the baby. He's got a personality that would not be conducive to being the baby. I think he would be a more balanced person having another sibling.
So anyway, suggestions as to how to conceive a girl are welcomed. As you would expect from us, we will be getting a book on it, but we welcome other suggestions, too, just not the old wives' tales because those WAY get on my nerves. ;)