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Friday, September 26, 2008

Censoring

I've really wanted to blog a lot lately about random things that come to mind, but every time I start to think about what I want to write, I think about who (people I know) might read it. So I censor myself and save those entries for my journal (the one I write in with a pen). And that's probably a good thing most of the time. But because I'd like to write a blog post right now and I don't feel like censoring, here's a post you may not normally get from me.

I guess I don't really open up much, so that's why I censor. I've started working with my therapist about it. [Oooh, did she say "therapist"? She's totally going to admit to that?] Michael and I were doing some marriage counseling [that's right], and all these issues kept coming up with me. (I hate when things are my fault.) I started feeling a bit defeated, but it's mainly because I have a lot more "Dad" issues than Michael does. So we decided that I would do some therapy by myself to discover how my relationship with my dad affects the way that I live, think, feel, relate now.

I didn't want to do it, so I kept putting off calling to make the appointment. I finally did my first session on Thursday, quite reluctantly, and it went great. I didn't want to do it because it's just all so cliche. Yeah, my dad was a jerk, and now I have issues. Who doesn't? Nobody likes to be a whiner about it...well, I don't. Even when the counselor called our meeting "therapy", I kind of cringed. 'Oh brother! I'm in therapy for dad issues. How original.'

Dads can really screw kids up. You really don't hear about moms screwing their kids up as much as you do dads. But I guess that's just a reality of living in a fallen world; it sucks sometimes. But Heaven awaits!

3 comments :

  1. I think that's awesome and I'm proud of you! Both for going to therapy and also writing a blog about it. :) I've been pro-therapy/counseling since my parents bribed me to go after my parents advice. I think it's a great thing!

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  2. I have the same problem with censoring myself. I want to blog more too but worry about the people reading it.
    Its admirable to admit to the world that you are seeking counseling, its healthy, much healthier than letting it all build up inside and becoming bitter and letting it take over your world. I've been searching for one too, but can't find one who'll meet with me Saturdays!

    I witnessed first-hand your Dad issues, and while I love all of your family dearly, I think you have made so much progress from all that you deal/t with. You've taken it all and made a point to live a beautiful life in spite of all that you've gone through, rather than letting it defeat you. You're an amazing, amazing person. I love you!!!!!

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  3. I think counseling/therapy, whatever you want to call it, is healthy and needed. I'm proud that you took that step. It's not easy. No one wants to admit "defeat." Isn't it said that we view it that way?? The things that we keep hushed up; the things that we keep locked away are actually the things that EVERYONE else is dealing with too. Poetic.

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