Have you ever met those people that don’t believe in birth control, and when you ask them their reasoning behind their belief they say, “Well, we just believe that children are a blessing,” to which I always sarcastically reply in my mind, ‘Oh, I don’t.’
Of course I believe children are a blessing, I just don’t want to be bearing them most of my adult life, thus I use birth control. I’m not even sure if I want more than two (it’s still a topic of debate in the ol’ Hedgpeth house). But that doesn’t take away from the fact that my boys are two of the biggest blessings in my life, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world.
Now…that said…we had a bit of a scare the other night. I was feeling nauseated (you can see where this is going), and my lower back was aching like when I’m on my period or when I’m….pregnant. It was pouring down rain outside, but I sent Michael to the store to get me a pregnancy test. I told him to get the cheapo generic one, and he did. I quickly took the test…negative…shwew!
About fifteen or twenty minutes later, I dug the test out of the trash just to make sure. There was a hint of a line where there was not supposed to be a line. OMG!!! “Um…Michael…[nervous laugh] I think I might be pregnant.” With both Samuel and Levi the line was so faint you could barely see it. A minute or so later the tears came. I started BALLING. I could not believe it. I didn’t want to be pregnant, not now, not when I have a baby already.
So I sent Michael to the store again, this time to get the digital tests. He dutifully went. He was a bit freaked out himself, but he held it together well. While he was gone, I read every single word of the package insert of the first cheap test. It said that the test is inaccurate after ten minutes and not to read it, as it could give you a false positive. A glimmer of hope, but still the tears came.
Michael got home, and I immediately took the digital test. (Those are so cool, by the way.) It gives you a little flashing hourglass to let you know it’s working, and when it stops flashing it will give you the result. Michael was in there with me looking at the test at just the second that it flashed on the result: NOT PREGNANT. He said it aloud, and I jumped to look at it myself. RELIEF! I melted and kept staring at the result. I was so happy to not be pregnant right now. I took the other test in the box the next morning, and it was negative, too.
I still think kids are a blessing, and I would have loved that baby just as much as I love my boys. I’m sure glad, though, that that’s not something I have to do right now. 13 months apart is a bit too close for comfort.